Thank you Rose..

I am angry.
I am frustrated.
I am worried.
I am confused.
I am aimless.
I am someone else! I often wonder what's wrong with me and get no reply. Everything is the same yet completely wrong. Everyone talks the same yet don’t make sense. Enough money yet there’s nothing to buy. I am healthy yet feel very sick.

I don’t recollect anything drastic that could change me so much - at least nothing that I thought could. Is it that lack of alcohol or charas that is causing these insane thoughts? Could it be the rusting idle mind that’s playing a trick on me? Maybe Global Warming!

Someone was laughing... AT ME! Who? I Dunno…

Someone was on a roll… made me visit the place I HATE the most – HOSPITAL!! India's best cancer hospital. Correction - India's best Private Cancer Hospital!!! People often relate lousy nd worthless service with the government run places; however THIS place easily takes the cake. Not a single staff member below 40 be it the frustrated 'over friendly' doc, hyper 'laidback' receptionist, horny 'snobbish' ward boys or sexless 'motherly' nurse (maybe cuz they spent half their life becoming 'sister'.. That’s beside the point!) This place is capable of infecting any perfectly healthy individual purely by its look and feel. Business strategy? Maybe! Just when I thought i had my hands full with things-to-hate I get this new 'reality' thrown at my face.

Someone screamed 'Take that you sucker' nd walked off laughing his heart out. Who? Screw it…

Here i was waiting for my next appointment, minding my own business - cursing all these lame ass sonovabitches for their non existing work ethics...

'Hi I'm Rose, what’s your name?'

For few moments I forgot everything; no anger, no frustration, no hate, peace! The most beautiful creature on this god forsaken planet had made her way to my right. Ballerina shoes, hair pulled back neatly, toy mobile in hand, dressed in a cute pink outfit she looked like a princess (I think she was one).. Her 94516534513 watt smile blew me away. She didn’t wait for my reply but made sure i couldn’t take my eyes off her as she ran from one corner to the other. Making faces at the sonovabitches - almost taunting them to catch her. She introduced herself to everyone in the room without caring for any response. She smiled nd loved the attention. This went on for bout 5 minutes before her mother escorted her to the doctor’s chamber.

'Bichari ko brain cancer hai... Dun think she'll be around for her 6th birthday'

I couldn’t believe what i heard.. Infact I refused to accept it. In a split second I wished that I could trade places with her. SOMEONE THAT SMALL & HARMLESS DOES NOT DISERVE THIS!

Whistle followed by a sadistic laughter. Didn’t see anyone. Didn’t need to. I knew who it was!

Rose occupied my mind for the rest of the day and I kept wishing for 'trade'!

Another sadistic laughter! Why now? What for? I was only wishing good for someone. All I wanted was to take place so that she can lead my life… Nothing! Silence! Clear mind! Selfish mind! Criminal mind!

Without even realizing I had wished the worse for that poor girl, she was living the way she wanted, she brought a smile to everyone around, she made them forget their worries for that brief moment, she was loving the attention, she was smiling, she was happy! Look at me - I was complete opposite.. I hate everyone, detest every emotion, happiness eludes me & I’ve forgotten to smile.

She was merely losing her body yet continue to live - I am dead nd didn’t even realize it!