One last time

Claimer: Any resemblance to any person, incident, feelings etc is NOT co-incidental. This is dedicated to all of us, who are held in fancy by their love for caffeine, heroin, shopping, love, lust, sex and the worst…people.


Just one last time I tell myself…I stand there after telling everybody who cared about me, or worse who couldn’t see me going down the same road, my eyes looked hollow- the very same did my words sound to my own self.



So what was the reason that got me hooked? Peer pressure? Bad company? Emerging trend? The wannabe syndrome? Nope.I wish I had a sad story which I could remember every time I felt an overwhelming need running through my veins to justify it… but I don’t have one.



I wanted to try it- the good stuff, escape the little niceties others refer to as trials and tribulations of life. My stepdad didn’t beat me up, my mother didn’t have a boyfriend, and my sister didn’t get knocked up. In short, unlike clichés that dominate celluloid, no violence or disease made me this way.Just like the rest of us; I carry the regular amount of heartache as my unclaimed baggage- along with my cell phone and wallet.



I thought I knew who I was or what I was getting into but I was mistaken to think I know all sides of me. Instead of my day being about work, fun and people, the day spent away was the time spent in a silent frenzy waiting to gain momentum.



Just like those who wait for the right time to hang by cliffs, life became only about an ecstasy only I knew.



The rampant increase in phone calls should have been a clue, but I was too busy to see them as anything but foreplay. A single meeting had left me wanting for more…with one whiff of his smell, I had struck gold.



Just like the hangers risked their lives, I risked my sanity… every time I did it, every time I met him. In sometime, I was hooked –everything else dissolved into the smog that engulfs the city, conversations became foreplay and meetings turned into happy endings.



The time spent apart from him seemed like an entrapment, on me, on those around me since my restlessness and erratic change in behaviour didn’t go unnoticed by the few who cared.



One day I couldn’t get find him and the day was spent thinking…wondering…calling up the one person who could possibly understand my obsession-my dealer aka the link. He had laughed at my misery, telling me he hadn’t seen this coming. He said he’ll get back to me. I hung up, staring into space and rapped my fingers on my keyboard till he showed up at my door.



One deep inhale and I was happy.



That was also the day I was sure of one thing. He was my drug I needed a snort of, everyday.



Yet he was the one to end whatever this was. He wanted to be away from me saying we had taken a rash, unhealthy toll. I breathed in, blocking his words out, sniffing my dash and not listening to a word.



And so I cut off, like I had so many times before, from so many more.



I made sure I had company till I slept yet I was completely alone. There were days I smiled…smiled when I thought about those moments I shared, following strangers whose scent became a reminder of what I had once experienced.



Remaining sober made me scream in my sleep; land me in a room with medical equipment and a feeling I couldn’t strip off.



That had been months ago.



I now stand at a door that separated me from something I had never wanted so badly in life. Now I remember what I had heard but never listened. He had said- if you come back, I wouldn’t resist.



The door opened and a gust of fumes unleashed into the air around me. I don’t know what prompted him to turn around but that he did, as I stepped inside with my eyes half shut.



As I opened my eyes to confirm him standing there, looking at me, I said to myself…one last time….

Goodbye Blackberry. Hello Moto.

I could tell you his name, what he did, what he smelled like or the glint in his eyes but the truth is I can’t possibly write even a fraction of what you actually feel in that moment of attraction- you know it, I know it, Stephanie Meyer knows it, Gregory David Roberts almost believes in it.



Just because some jackasses thought about changing ‘impossible’ to ‘I’m possible’ and shrug away cribbers by saying -shit happens, I am going to try to describe that moment. Just how you silently sigh every time someone prods you to talk about your exes or addictions, I do too as I tell you about the time I saw him the very first time.



Tall, sleek, suave, dressed in black- he was in the arms of a girl, seducing her with all the tricks he had and didn’t need to use. Day in and day out, I saw him wrapped duly in someone’s soft caress.



I thought it was my mind again- playing the same it always does- knowing I always have to obsess over something I don’t have. But this wasn’t the usual itch I normally didn’t need to scratch for someone I’d despise in the next 30 days. Sleepless nights, bad work days, and wrinkles even make up couldn’t hide- this was real. I rushed to the place I had seen him earlier, where there was faint possibility of him sitting, possibly with someone as crazy as me.



I remember putting all my energy in opening the door, when I saw the attendant who could let me to him. It was finally time, to own up and try to have something I had no idea I could ever have. And to him I said –



“Could I have the Moto Razr please?”



That was four years ago… till I was temporarily starry eyed by someone else and just like light dissolves in dark, he decided to go away.



Two years later, I know this- many have come and gone- some used, repaired or severely damaged. I am with someone, who’s probably the stereotypical version of SUITED UP, whose behaviour modifications compel me to write status updates. I now have become a part of those mechanical blokes who carry on with their lives and overindulge on the concept of a Smartphone.



The iconic difference in the one who I write about is that I never felt the need to use emoticons. And while we all have turned into cynics and lovers and cynics again-there is a reason why millions yearn to have what is written in mythical legends or urban series.



You stole my heart like a kleptomaniac. And I am going to get you back.



Goodbye Blackberry. Hello Moto.

Pleasure Fuckers

I won't do this on my blog- coz I haven't read my own blog in a year...or two.And my sister/co-blogger tends to write about is incredibly inappropriate, enough to get us sued and then defends herself in the garb of a post pregnancy hangover.



First of all, screw you pleasure fuckers for writing self help status updates thinking it will spread positives vibes on your friends' list- please leave that to Buddha. I added you 'coz I thought we both agreed that we needed help. But if you think writing about "light at the end of the tunnel" will help my day better- I"ll shove you right into it. The tunnel I mean.



I would like to thank my best mate, you know who you are, apart from sarcasm( my alter ego) for a plethora of emotions that made me reach beyond what I thought was my limit of drinking- at any time of the day, any drink available with an appetite that made people double my size telling me to go slow. Pleasure fuckers.



Special thanks to Imran Amplifier Khan for making me sing songs in Punjabi and blush when a cheesy guy played it while I was shopping, a million others like Muse, Flo Rida, Kesha for singing about puking in Paris Hilton's closet and Black Eyed Peas who make me move wherever I am.



My undying love for Chuck Bass, Don Draper, James Sawyer Ford and Voldemort. No matter how big assholes they are, there assholery keeps you going, wanting for more. Pleasure Fuckers :)



The ones who keep me on my toes, my fingers busy on my Blackberry (sadly) and give me a new game to play everyday. Special ones to the glorious bastards who almost make me believe that it's all wires and switches beneath their suave jackets for their robotic moves. For putting all that pleasure to an end, you're da fucker.



Also- don't call whoever you care about by their initials..."I call her K, J, Q" Don't be a random fucker. What happened to the good old Bittoo, Pammi, Gugu and Sonu? Personalise. It's less than 140 characters.





Since I am keeping the emotionsaaal away from this note, here are a few people I'd like to mention. Geetali Gupta- my other alter ego who reminds me of me so much that it was freakish. Also for taking me to Bombay with strangers and having a blast. Tarini Kumar- we don't talk much but Vinod....cut your hair. Sandhya Sinha who's now become Sandhya dear to her errr very nice husband( Oh Salman bagged a hottie of a wife by the way), Kuber Sharma- for coming back with a bang and reciting all my funny lines to impress chicks, that and a ridiculously expensive gift. Neha Bose- for keeping the funny going, Avi- for letting me talk, Bharath Kp who's uncool enough to not be on FB and finally Pankaj Johar which I can't say here so I"ll probably whisper into your ears. They keep the pleasure going with the fuckin'.





Lastly, the pleasure sucker Headlines Today where so many ppl continue to go that they deserve a fuck, or a therapist's number- the place which is so deeply ingrained in me that I don't even need a tattoo for it, that it has turned me into a fucker.





And to Maroon 5, who came out with a song called "Pleasure Fuckers" but I haven't heard it yet.



And since I don't have a coin slot on Facebook account( I"ll tell Zuckerberg that one)to charge you for this, do what you do. Comment.

Return to Innocence

One of the funniest and most adorable videos I have ever seen.
It made my day!

I hate sharing videos on my blog, especially since the page load becomes kinda menopausal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43IbG8N1Rtc

But this one was definitely worth it.

Enjoy!!

Namma Bengaluru

You know you are from Bangalore when…

Bangalore has evolved. I don’t know for better or for worse. We all have our own versions of the drastic changes that happened over the last 8 yrs. I shifted to Bangalore around a decade ago. I have seen it change drastically. My version of this is the long time I have spent here, and this one is dedication to the city that I absolutely adore.

1). You have fallen in “Louuuu” and your lover is called your “Dove”.

2). You fell in love with this dialogue “Yella ok…Cool drink Yaake?” Every college fest used it for all the gags they planned. Another one you still use is “Sakkat hot maga!!”

3). You are born in Bangalore; you were destined to be an engineer or a doctor. And also when you shifted to Bangalore, the reasons were the same.

4). You absolutely hate the auto guy’s guts! (for obvious reasons)

5). You wonder where the roads are.

6). You use the words “by-2” and “Parcel mado” in restaurants.

7). You have been to “Indiana” on Residency Road and thought it was the coolest fast food joint. You have also loved “Wimpy’s”!!

8). Bissi Bille bath is the most sought after food item.

9). You thing Gobi manchuri (that’s the way it’s spelt) is a gift to the mouth.

10). You know Upendra…and have tried to copy his accent.

11). You wanted to say Yuck! But you managed saying “Thuuu!!”

12). You raised your thumb during a brawl when trying to say “What the F@#$!!”

13). You thought whatever happened to public transport.

14). You think Purple haze is the best place to head bang. You also miss having peeco’s, nasa, guzzlers, bunker…around! Ah…those days!

15). You have always heard people saying… “In those good old days…there were no fans also! And look at the climate now…Thu!”

16). You know that Mt. Carmel is where all the hot chicks are.

17). Maga, macha, da, ra is what you call your dearest pals with all your louuu !

18). You have been to Empire around 1 AM and complained about no other decent places in town being open!

19). You still go out, and make the same disappointed face at 11 PM and complain about the ridiculous ban.

20). You have found all shops shut from 1 pm – 4 pm on the context of lunch breaks.

21). You think mosranna cools your stomach and is a must after meals.

22). You have gone to darshini’s and had the best idli’s, dosa’s, chow chow bath…

23). You have been to Koshy’s and loved it! You have also been to Cool Joint in Jay Nagar or atleast used it as a benchmark for routes!

24). You substitute Ranga Shankara to the word theatre.

25). You have seen the violin shaped building but have never gone inside it.

26). You love Bangalore weather too, but then you feel there’s more to the city people!!

27). You believe in “Aaarama…” and “Jasti tension beda!!”

28). You have said “Namma Benagluru” and felt good!

There are way too many!
Please keep adding more to the list….

You probably grew along with us.....if you remember these....

If you can rap to "Meri baatein sun karr tum hasna nahi....."
Govinda rocked this one with a chess board suit...
Lol...I can't believe I still remember this...

"Madhuri Dixit mili raste mein...
Khaaye chhane humne saste mein..."

You know that "WOAH" and "HOW you doing?!!" comes from Joey and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
Or was it Sunday....
There used to be duck tales, tales spin mornings....there used to fairy tales.....
there used to be mahabharath and ramayana which was a family ritual in all households.

You remember reading "Asterisk", "Archie's", "Tin Tin"
And also...champak, chanda mama, billooo pinky, chacha choudhary, nagaraj !!

I am reminiscing writing this.
What a topic and what memoirs!

You took cartoon plastic lunch boxes and pencil boxes to school !...(and thought that you were the coolest kid around)
My pencil box came with a piano! I was a fortunate child to get it....but in between the class someone would invariable press on a key and I would get scolded :(

You played "FLAMES" and "TRUE LOVE" to find our your love quotient.

You remember the craze of those friendship bands and slam books!

You danced to "Wanna be" by spice girls...and you guys loved it too!!
"you gotta....you gotta!"

You remember Atari, contra and super Mario as the best video games.
It was a gift to mankind and it was always hard finding those 1 rupee coins :(

You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
"I've fallen and I can't get up"

You remember CD players being the invention of the century and marking the beginning to a new Age.
A CD used to cost 1000 bucks in those days...and 10 friends usually pooled in that much money...to give it as a gift :)

You remember New Kids on The Block and Boyz 2 men when they were cool.

You traded and collected stamps and coins.

You took your he-man/g i Joe/ barbie dolls everywhere. They were an integral part of your family.

You even saw a series called "GAYA BAYA" which was a Hindi cartoon and had a glow friend in it. Or was "glow friend" a glorified toy. I think I am a bit confused....help me kids!

Nancy Drews and Hardy boys were the best mystery books.
Before that there was, secret 7 and famous 5.
And after that, came sweet valley. I don't know, what the guys were reading then.

Natarj and Camlin pencils were competitors.

You used to wear those stick on earrings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

You rented VHS tapes and not DVDs.

When there was the Walkman

Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.

Hide-n-Seek at dusk.
Red Light, Green Light.
Playing Kickball & Dodge ball until you were crazy tired....
Hopscotch.

HELLO....HOT WHEELS!!!!!

Cadburry's
Nestle!!

Horlicks...Milo...Bournvita!

Squeezy! Those weird looking water bottles.....

Holi in the bus!

When there was wimpy's and no MC Donald's :)

"Talk to the wall" ... enough said!

Being Single

Since the time I got back home, I decided that I will become an ardent reader. I always tried to make time to read but somehow bangalore kept me busy. Now call it a lack of friends in Delhi...I decided I'd make books my friends.

However such lines work only for my dad and my sister.

They can survive on books...I realized I couldn't.

I had 2 books staring at me. I picked up the first one "To kill a mocking bird". It is supposed to be a legendary novel and everyone who's read it tells me that. But then I couldn't go past the second chapter. I am still trying but the snooze alarm in my head always bursts out when i read the same page the 27th time.
It has it's own pros. It lets me sleep.

The other was a biography on Shah rukh Khan by Anupama Chopra. I read the first chapter. I learnt things about bollywood I already knew. Then I saw a couple of pictures in between the book, that I had already seen. I decided that this book would give me no insights or motivations to one of the greatest success stories in India. No matter how big a fan you are... I don't really recommend this one.

Then came the book that I actually really wanna talk about. Well not a lot....no...not this time.
I have been recommending this book to everyone who reads. The men don't seem to listen...however the women always seem excited.

The book is called "Almost Single" and it is written by a first time writer Advaita Kala. I got this book at a book club meeting in office.

When she entered the room, she seemed a bit arrogant and a "shallow" author. I wish I could chew my words before saying this....cuz when I got reading I thoroughly and truly enjoyed this book.

I have even been inspired to write a "Being Single", if the title hasn't already been taken.

But on a more serious note, it's a delight.Exclamation point.

It is extremely funny and very relatable(Btw that's not a word). The protagonist of the book is Aisha Bhatia who is a Guest Relations Manager in a 5 star hotel who tolerates her job, hates her boss, bonds with her friends, doesn't care much about the way she looks, and is in search for love and matrimony. She is 29 and goes through a plethora emotions at work, life, home, love and not to forget - her mom who's absolutely frantic about marrying her off and she truly believes that her girl is way past her marriageable age.

And then there is Karan. As soon as I got to know that the lover or the hero or the actor (;)) of this book is named Karan, I developed a new found respect for Advaita. After all Maya's fiance was also Karan and I am in love with the name.

Secret : Every time a guy named Karan sends me a friend request on Orkut. I don't blindly reject!

Reasons why I loved it so much.

1. It was the fastest ever read of my life. It took me an entire Sunday and yea I finished it.
2. It was the Indian version of SATC. I told you people we loved it.
But then it's all about grandma underwear (oh I so love that concept) , sex, love, stress at work, meeting the right people, marriages and the special bond that we share only with our friends.
3. The most important reason was relating to it. I relate to Aisha and at times life does become hard but then you still deal with it cuz its your own. The best part of the book is still the fact that Aisha is so damn funny!

So please read it.

To all the women I know - it's a gift! Go ahead and pick up a copy.

To all the men - Firstly it's extremely funny and care to understand us more...?? And yea...it's just not another chick-lit!